


chilly.

by izonisms



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Based off a song, F/F, Past Relationship(s), kinda angst, lipsoul always breaks my heart, only mentions lipseul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24765661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izonisms/pseuds/izonisms
Summary: in which Jinsol listens to music at 3:06 am, and remembers things she should be forgetting.
Relationships: Jo Haseul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	chilly.

**Author's Note:**

> first time writing angst because I wanted to challenge myself. mostly based on a real life event lmao this hurts a little
> 
> texts that are italicized, bold, and enclosed in forward slash are lyrics, italicized texts are flashbacks, and backslash-enclosed texts are phone messages.

Jinsol moves to a comforting yet alien part of the bed, waking her up. The uninvaded part of the bed was cold, contrasting the warmth of her blanket that kept her safe throughout the night.  
  
It was 3:06 a.m., says her digital clock beside the bed. She groans. Pain makes it hard to go back to sleep.  
  
And so she doesn't.  
  
A few muffled groans later, Jinsol decides to check her phone for anything, not that it matters. Not that she matters. What's there to do anyways? She puts her phone inside her hoodie pocket and sighs. To avoid seeing things she absolutely does not have to see, she settles to staying in the living room and play music instead.  
  
But heavy feelings creates heavy bodies.  
  
The still sleepy girl moves bit by bit, still feeling restless, and breathes out every few movements. She glances at her bed, remembering how someone used to be there beside her, to pull her back to her warm bed. Someone used to mumble words to her in the middle of the night, small talk, before falling back asleep. Someone used to be there, to fill the cold parts of her bed with an ever-familiar warmth and scent. Someone used to.  
  
Finally having enough energy to make coffee, Jinsol settles in her living room and decides to play music. **_Chilly - Niki._**  
  
  
**_/Do you ever think about me/_**  
'Is she awake right now?', she wonders. Jinsol remembers how the other always manages to wake up around this hour. How she manages to tell Jinsol that she loves her with all her heart.  
  
_"Hey"  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you."  
"Mmm, I love you more, Jungeun."  
_  
  
**_/Does her love feel just the same, is she the one to take your last name?/  
_** _A paper airplane lands at Jinsol's lap. She looks over to the nervous-looking girl meters away from her. Opening the airplane, two small papers fall out, making out the sentence; "Hey cute gf, go to the museum with me today?" Jinsol smiles, adoring how cute Jungeun is when she's nervous. Dropping the paper, the older girl walks and plops herself on top of Jungeun.  
  
"Of course," She kisses Jungeun. "I'll go get changed." Jungeun returns one kiss.  
Jungeun smiles, "Thank you."_  
  
  
**_/There ain't nothing for me out here/  
_** The phone that was now placed on the table buzzes. Jinsol sighs, knowing that it came from a certain persistent girl.  
  
**Sooyoung:**  
\hey, you awake?\  
\probably not\  
  
The sleepy girl thinks, every move and word she says to Sooyoung just gives her confusion. She wanted to give in, but something holds her back. The feeling of wanting to be loved again excites her, but trusting someone new again, not knowing whether they're true or just fuck you up in the end, is scary. Jinsol doesn’t want to raise Sooyoung’s hopes up, but neither does she want Sooyoung to go away.  
  
**Jinsol:**  
\hey sooyoung.\  
  
  
  
**_/Honestly though I'm glad you found her, I'll stop asking questions, you take care./_**  
Might as well scroll through, Jinsol thinks, to occupy her mind. To not remember someone. To not dwell. To not miss her. She's muted the girl everywhere, she's safe.  
  
But curious hands always find their way through.  
  
She searches for Jungeun's account and clicks on it. The account's bio, which used to be Jinsol's username, was now occupied by another person's name. Haseul and Jinsol were acquaintances, and Jinsol knows well that Jungeun’s had a past with the girl before even they knew each other. Jinsol was always wary of Haseul being around Jungeun, and eventually, she got it right.  
  
That Jungeun left to go back to someone she's loved longer.  
  
'Why love someone else when you'll eventually go back to her?'. Somewhere in Jinsol's thoughts, one screams, very loudly.  
  
'Why did you even love me at all?'  
  
  
**_/And no, I don't want you back/_**  
Jinsol wants Jungeun back.  
  
  
**/Rediscovered myself, took back my heart/**  
Jinsol's been lost and empty, and she still is.  
  
  
**_/Though something might grow, I dont ever let it take root/_**  
Sooyoung messages Jinsol again.  
  
**Sooyoung:**  
\Is something bothering you? You know I'm always here for you babe.\  
  
**Jinsol:**  
\No, I just randomly woke up. Thank you, Sooyoung.\  
  
  
**_/Every now and then I would remember how you made me feel/  
_** _Jinsol bangs her head on her desk, her laptop as the only source of light in the room. Not until her girlfriend comes in.  
  
Jungeun comes and sits on the armrest of Jinsol's chair and caresses her girlfriend's hair. "You still doing good?" The stressed girl tilts her head to look at the other's eyes, and thinks about how they look at her with so much care and concern. Looking at Jungeun was enough rest. The concerned girl needed no words. She already knew what Jinsol needed.  
  
"Okay." They sit together in silence, a comforting one. Jungeun already knows what will happen next. She gets up and moves to the bed, Jinsol following her shortly after. Jungeun knows.  
  
She hears a few sobs after lying down. She knew Jinsol well. Jungeun lets her silently cry, caressing her girlfriend's back. She knows.  
  
"Jungie, thank you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you more."  
"I love you most."_  
  
  
**_/Tangled bodies to reset my heart but it just won't/  
_** Another notification. Sooyoung.  
  
**Sooyoung:**  
\Jinsooool\  
\Can I take you out someday?\  
  
Jinsol sighs. Why not?  
  
**Jinsol:**  
\We’ll see\  
  
  
**_/But I ain't bitter, babe/  
_**Jinsol doesn't hate Haseul or Jungeun. But she hates what happened.  
  
  
**_/I've moved on/  
_** Jinsol doesn't really know if she's moved on.  
  
  
**_/I just hate, that nothing blooms since you/  
_** She opens Sooyoung's messages. Jinsol's friends always told her to not do anything with Sooyoung. The girl had one bad relationship, that rumor alone caused Jinsol's friends to be against her and Sooyoung. Who cares?  
  
  
**_/Possibility all round me, but I don't give a shit/  
_**Whatever. Jinsol thinks.  
  
**Jinsol:  
** \Sure, Sooyoung. Let’s go out sometime.\  
  
Just after pressing send, a new message pops.  
  
**Sooyoung:  
** \Are you sure?\  
\Don't do this because you pity me.\  
  
  
**_/Numb to the bone, been so long, since the love bug bit/  
_** It's been three months. But Jungeun's last lies to Jinsol still sting.  
  
_"I just need time alone, but, hey, Jinsol." Jungeun holds the girl's hands. "I still love you."  
  
Jinsol doesnt get it. Why does Jungeun have to leave? Why can't they face problems together?  
  
Jinsol's warm tears continued to fall. "Okay, I trust you." She doesn't see, but Jungeun's face winces soon as Jinsol answered. It hurts for Jungeun too.  
  
"Jungeun, I love you more."  
"I love you most."  
_  
Jungeun's last words to her rang, every single fucking time she scrolls to see Jungeun being in love with Haseul. To every time she sees Jungeun praise Haseul's angelic voice, to every time she sees Jungeun on her phone. All a day after Jungeun breaks up with Jinsol to 'rest'. She's spent days tormenting herself, for not being enough for Jungeun. She blames herself for being too indulged in her studying, that maybe Jungeun felt distant. She blames herself for believing Jungeun's last words. She's blamed herself so much. But she's stayed silent.  
  
Jinsol deserves an explanation from Jungeun, at least, that's what her friends said.  
  
But in the end, Jinsol only wanted Jungeun to be happy. Even if it hurts her, she only wants Jungeun to be happy.  
  
It doesn't matter if she sacrifices a lot. Only Jungeun's happiness mattered.  
  
It doesn't matter how much Jungeun lied.  
  
It doesn't matter how much it changed Jinsol.  
  
Only Jungeun matters. Maybe that's why--  
  
  
**_/I admit, maybe I quit/  
_**  
Maybe she needs a little more time.  
  
**Jinsol:**  
\Sooyoung, I'm sorry.\


End file.
